59

After his evening worship, Pareshbabu sat in stillness on the veranda before his room. The sun had just set.

At that moment Binoy entered with Lalita at his side, prostrated himself on the ground, and took the dust of Paresh’s feet.

Seeing the two of them enter in this manner, Paresh was somewhat surprised. There were no chairs nearby for them to sit, so he said, “Come, let us go inside.”

Binoy said, “No, please do not rise.”

And with that he sat down on the floor itself. Lalita too drew a little to one side and sat down at Paresh’s feet. Binoy said, “We two have come together to receive your blessing. That shall be our true initiation into life.”

Pareshbabu looked at his face in surprise and said nothing.

Binoy said, “I shall not take a formal vow before any society in prescribed words according to a fixed rule. The initiation in which both our lives shall bow in humility and be bound together in the bond of truth — that initiation is your blessing. Both our hearts have bowed in devotion at your feet — whatever is our good, God shall bestow it through your hands.”

Pareshbabu remained still for a few moments without speaking. Then he said, “Binoy, so you will not become a Brahmo?”

Binoy said, “No.”

Pareshbabu asked, “You wish to remain within Hindu society?”

Binoy said, “Yes.”

Pareshbabu looked toward Lalita. Understanding what was in his mind, Lalita said, “Father, my faith is mine and shall always remain so. I may face difficulties, I may face hardships — but I cannot by any means believe that my religion demands I push aside and keep at a distance those who differ from me in belief, or even in practice.”

Pareshbabu was silent. Lalita said, “I used to feel as though the Brahmo Samaj were the only world — as though everything outside it were shadow. Separation from the Brahmo Samaj seemed like separation from all truth. But in these past few days that feeling has quite left me.”

Pareshbabu gave a faint, wan smile.

Lalita said, “Father, I cannot convey to you how great a change has come over me. Among the people I see in the Brahmo Samaj, I share a common creed with many, and yet I am not truly one with them in any way — and yet I am to take shelter in the name ‘Brahmo’ and call only them my own, while keeping all other people in the world at arm’s length? That I can no longer understand, not at all.”

Pareshbabu gently stroked the back of his rebellious daughter and said, “When the mind is agitated by personal reasons, can one’s judgment be sound? Looking to the welfare of humanity in its continuity — from ancestors down to descendants — society is necessary; that necessity is not an artificial one. The society you belong to bears responsibility for the far-reaching future that lies within your generations to come — will you not give thought to that?”

Binoy said, “There is Hindu society.”

Pareshbabu said, “If Hindu society will not accept responsibility for you — if it will not receive you?”

Binoy, remembering Anandamayi’s words, said, “The responsibility of making it receive us must be ours to take. Hindu society has always given shelter to new communities — Hindu society is capable of becoming the society of all religious communities.”

Pareshbabu said, “In verbal argument one can make something appear in a certain way, but in practice one does not find it so. Otherwise, would anyone willingly abandon their ancestral community? A society that seeks to confine the religious consciousness of its people in one fixed place, shackled by outward custom — to submit to such a society one must make of oneself a wooden puppet for all time.”

Binoy said, “If that is indeed the narrow condition of Hindu society, then the responsibility of liberating it from that condition must be ours to take. Where one need only widen the windows and doors of a house to let in light and air, no one in anger wishes to raze a solid dwelling to the ground.”

Lalita broke in: “Father, all these arguments I cannot fathom. I have no resolve to take on the burden of reforming any society. But from every side an injustice is pressing upon me until my very soul gasps for breath. It is not right, for any reason, to bow my head and endure all this. I do not understand well what is right or wrong — but, Father, I cannot do it.”

Pareshbabu said in a gentle voice, “Would it not be better to take a little more time? Your mind is restless just now.”

Lalita said, “I have no objection to taking time. But I know with certainty that falsehood and unjust oppression will only keep growing. That is what frightens me terribly — lest, driven beyond endurance, I should suddenly do something that will cause you pain. Do not think, Father, that I have given this no thought. I have reflected carefully and seen that, given my upbringing and convictions, living outside the Brahmo Samaj will perhaps require me to accept many constraints and many hardships — yet my spirit is not in the least daunted; rather, a strength rises within me, a joy arises. My one anxiety, Father, is lest any action of mine should cause you the slightest suffering.”

Saying this, Lalita gently began to stroke Pareshbabu’s feet with her hand.

Pareshbabu smiled faintly and said, “My dear, had I placed my trust in my own understanding alone, then whenever something was done against my wishes and judgment I would have felt sorrow. The emotion that has arisen in your minds — I cannot say with any force that it is entirely without good in it. I too once rebelled and left my home, without a thought for any advantage or inconvenience. The blows and counter-blows that are falling upon society one after another these days — it is clear from this that His power is at work. By what means He will break down and rebuild and refine and raise up, through how many channels and in what manner — what do I know of that! Be it the Brahmo Samaj or Hindu society — He looks upon mankind.”

Saying this, Pareshbabu closed his eyes for a moment, as though gathering himself within the quiet depths of his own heart.

After a brief silence, Pareshbabu said, “See here, Binoy — in our country, religious belief is completely bound up with social life, and so all our social observances are connected with religious rites. The door has not been left open for anyone outside the boundary of a religious creed to be admitted within the boundary of society — I cannot think how you will get around that.”

Lalita did not quite understand the point, for she had never personally observed the differences in custom between their community and others. She had assumed that, broadly speaking, there was not a great deal of difference in rites and observances between them. Just as the divergence between herself and Binoy was not perceptible to the senses, so it seemed to her between one community and another. In fact, she had no knowledge of any particular impediment that a Hindu marriage ceremony might present in her case.

Binoy said, “You are speaking of the Shalagrama stone before which our marriages are solemnised?”

Pareshbabu glanced once at Lalita and said, “Yes — could Lalita accept that?”

Binoy looked at Lalita’s face and understood: her whole being had drawn itself inward.

Lalita had, in the sweep of her heart’s impulse, arrived at a place utterly unfamiliar to her and fraught with danger. This stirred a deep compassion in Binoy. He must take all the blows upon himself in order to shield her. That so great a spirit should be defeated and turn back was as unbearable as the thought that, in the reckless ardour of victory, she might open her breast to a mortal wound. She must be made victorious, and she must be kept safe.

Lalita sat with her head bowed for some moments. Then she raised her face, looked at Binoy with eyes full of tender sorrow, and said, “Do you truly and sincerely believe in the Shalagrama?”

Binoy answered at once: “No, I do not. The Shalagrama is not a deity for me — it is for me nothing more than a social symbol.”

Lalita said, “What you inwardly know to be a symbol, you must outwardly acknowledge as a god?”

Binoy looked toward Paresh and said, “I shall not use the Shalagrama.”

Paresh rose from his chair and said, “Binoy, you are not thinking through all of this with sufficient clarity. The question is not merely of your own or anyone else’s personal opinion. Marriage is not simply a private matter — it is a social act; why should that be forgotten? Take some time and reflect, both of you — do not settle the matter just yet.”

Saying this, Paresh left the room and went out into the garden, where he began to walk alone.

Lalita too made to leave the room, then stopped a moment and, turning her back to Binoy, said, “If our desire is not an unjust one, and yet it does not conform throughout to the ordinances of any one society, we must bow our heads and go back — this I cannot by any means understand. Is there room in society for false conduct, but no room for rightful behaviour?”

Binoy came slowly and stood beside Lalita, saying, “I fear no society. If we two together take truth as our shelter, where else shall we find a community as great as our own?”

Borodasundari swept in before the two of them like a storm and said, “Binoy, is it true I hear you will not take initiation?”

Binoy said, “I shall take initiation from a worthy teacher — not from any social institution.”

Borodasundari, in a fury of anger, said, “What is the meaning of all this conspiracy, all this deception? Pretending you would ‘take initiation’ — deceiving me and the whole of the Brahmo Samaj for these past two days — what exactly have you done? Tell me, have you given a single thought to the ruin you are bringing upon Lalita!”

Lalita said, “Not everyone in your Brahmo Samaj approves of Binoybabu’s initiation — you have read as much in the papers. Then what is the need for such an initiation?”

Borodasundari said, “Without initiation, how is the marriage to take place?”

Lalita said, “Why should it not?”

Borodasundari said, “Is it to be according to Hindu rites?”

Binoy said, “So it may be. Whatever obstacle there is, I shall remove it.”

For a while no words came from Baradasundari’s lips. Then, in a voice choked with feeling, she said, “Binoy, go — you must go! Do not come to this house again.”