Chapter Forty

Ayesha sat with pen in hand, composing a letter. Her countenance was grave and composed; she was writing to Jagatsingh. She took a sheet of paper and began. First she wrote "Dearest of all"—then straightway crossed out "Dearest of all" and wrote "Prince." As she crossed out "Dearest of all" and wrote "Prince" in its stead, Ayesha's tears fell upon the paper. She tore that letter at once to pieces. She began again on another sheet; but before she had written more than a few lines, the letter was stained with tears once more. She destroyed that writing also. At the third attempt she contrived to complete a letter free of the marks of weeping. Having finished it, she read it over; yet as she read, the mist of tears again obscured her sight. With much effort she folded and sealed the letter and gave it to a messenger. The messenger departed with it towards the Rajput camp. Ayesha lay down alone upon her bed and wept.

Jagatsingh received the letter and read it.

"Prince!

That I did not meet with thee was not because I mistrusted mine own fortitude. Do not suppose that Ayesha is weak of spirit. Osman hath kindled a fire within his own heart; I knew not what might befall—I feared that were I to receive thee, it might cause him suffering; and for that reason alone I would not see thee. I had no hope that thou wouldst suffer pain at not seeing me.

My own suffering—all joys and sorrows I have laid at the feet of the Lord of the World. Had I been compelled to bid thee farewell in person, that pain I could have borne without flinching. The pain of this parting without meeting I likewise endure, as a heart of stone endures what falls upon it.

Wherefore, then, do I write this letter? There is one petition, and for that alone I have written. If thou hast heard that I hold thee dear, forget it. While this life is mine I had resolved not to declare as much; it hath been declared by the will of Providence—now forget it.

I do not seek thy love in return. What I had to give, I have given; I ask no recompense from thee. My affection is so deeply rooted that even if thou love me not, I am content—but of what use is it to speak of such things?

I had seen thee unhappy. If ever thou shouldst be happy, remember Ayesha and send me word. If thou hast no wish to do so, do not. And if ever grief should come upon thine heart, wilt thou then remember Ayesha?

That I have written to thee, and may write again in time to come, folk will find occasion to censure. I am guiltless; therefore count not such censure a harm to thee—write to me whenever thou wilt.

Thou art going; thou art leaving this country for the present. These Pathans are not peaceable; it is likely enough that thou wilt come hither again. But thou and I shall meet no more. I have resolved upon this after long and repeated reflection. The heart of a woman is too ungovernable a thing; further boldness would be unwise.

Yet there is one occasion on which I purpose to see thee once more. If thou shouldst marry in this region, send me word; I will be present at thy wedding and give thee away. For her who shall be thy queen I have set aside certain small ornaments; if I am granted the time, I will place them upon her with my own hands.

One petition more. When the news of Ayesha's death shall reach thee, come hither once more; what lies in the coffer for thy sake—that take thou, at my entreaty.

What more shall I write? Much lies within me that I would set down, but it is needless. May the Lord of the World make thee happy; never grieve on Ayesha's account."

Jagatsingh, having read the letter, paced for a long time to and fro within his tent, the letter in his hand. Then suddenly, with quick resolve, he took up a sheet of paper and wrote the following reply, which he gave at once to a messenger.

"Ayesha, thou art the jewel among women. It seemeth the will of Providence that the heart of man is made for suffering. I cannot write thee any proper answer. Thy letter hath pierced me to the quick. The answer which this letter deserves I am not able to give thee now. Forget me not. If I live, I will give thee that answer a year hence."

The messenger bore this reply back to Ayesha.