19

Binodini turned it over and over in her mind: What is happening? Pride? Anger? Fear? Is he showing me he has no regard for me? Taking lodgings, is he? Let us see how long he manages to stay. But a restlessness had indeed settled in Binodini's own heart. Each day she had been binding Mahendra in net after net, piercing him with arrow after arrow --- and now that work having ceased, Binodini lay tossing from side to side. The whole savour of the house had gone. Asha without Mahendra was utterly tasteless to her.

The tenderness and attention Mahendra had showered on Asha had always stirred and unsettled Binodini's love-starved heart --- the pain with which it kept alive her longing and imagined deprivation was charged with a fierce intensity. This Mahendra --- who had deprived her of the whole fulfilment of her life, who had passed over a woman of her worth to take to wife a girl of Asha's shallow nature and meek disposition --- did she love him or hate him, did she wish to punish him or give him her heart?

This Binodini could not determine. A burning sensation that Mahendra had kindled within her --- was it jealousy, or love, or a mingling of both? Binodini could not think it out; she laughed to herself, a sharp, bitter laugh, and thought: Has any woman in the world ever been in such a state as I am? I cannot make out whether I want to die or to kill. But whatever the reason --- whether to be consumed or to consume --- she had an absolute need of Mahendra. Where else in the world could she loose her fire-tipped arrows?

Drawing heavy breaths, Binodini said to herself: Where will he go? He will come back. He is mine. On the pretext of tidying the room, Asha spent the evening in Mahendra's outer study, repeatedly picking up and putting down his things --- the armchair with its oil-stain from his hair, the desk strewn with papers, his books, his pictures --- dusting each one with the end of her sari, picking them up, setting them down again. In this way, touching all of Mahendra's possessions in turn, Asha was passing her evening of separation.

Binodini came quietly and stood beside her; Asha, a little flustered, set down what she had been handling and began to pretend she was looking for something. Binodini asked with a grave face, "What is the matter with you, dear?" Asha forced a small smile to her lips and said, "Nothing at all, dear." Binodini put her arm around Asha's neck and said, "Why has your brother-in-law gone off like this, dear Bali?" Filled at once with doubt and unease by this question, Asha answered, "You know as well as I do, dear --- he said he had urgent work at college." Binodini raised Asha's chin with her right hand, and as if melted with compassion, gazed at her face for a long silent moment, then sighed deeply.

Asha's heart shrank. She had always considered herself a fool and Binodini clever. Seeing Binodini's expression, her whole world suddenly went dark. She dared not ask any plain question. She went and sat on a sofa by the wall. Binodini sat beside her and wound her firm arms around Asha, drawing her close to her breast. In the embrace of her friend Asha could no longer hold herself together --- tears began to flow down her cheeks. Near the doorway a blind beggar was singing to the beat of his small drum: Carry me across, O Mother, O Tarini Tara.

Bihari came in search of Mahendra and, as he was approaching the door, saw Asha weeping and Binodini holding her close, gently wiping her eyes. The instant he saw it, Bihari stepped back. He went into the empty room next door and sat in the darkness. With his head between his hands he sat and wondered --- why should Asha weep? A girl who by her very nature is incapable of giving the slightest offence to anyone --- who in this world could be cruel enough to make her cry! And then thinking of the way Binodini had been comforting her, he said to himself: How greatly I misjudged Binodini.

In service, in consolation, in selfless friendship --- she is a goddess incarnate on this earth. Bihari sat a long while in the dark. When the beggar's song ceased, Bihari stepped deliberately, coughed, and walked toward Mahendra's room. Before he reached the door, Asha pulled her veil over her face and hurried away through the inner rooms. As he entered the room, Binodini exclaimed, "Why, Bihari-babu! Are you ill?"

"Nothing," said Bihari.

"Why are your eyes so red?" said Binodini.

Bihari, leaving her question unanswered, said, "Binodin-bouthaan, where has Mahendra gone?" Binodini assumed a grave expression and said, "I understand he has taken lodgings near the college because of his work at the hospital. Bihari-babu, will you move a little --- I must be going." Bihari, lost in thought, had been standing in the doorway and blocking Binodini's way.

He started and hastily stepped aside. The impropriety of lingering alone with Binodini in the outer room at this evening hour suddenly came to mind. As she was leaving, Bihari said quickly, "Binodin-bouthaan, keep an eye on Asha. She is guileless --- she cannot bring herself to hurt anyone, and she cannot protect herself from being hurt." Bihari could not see Binodini's face in the darkness --- lightning was playing across it.

She had known from the first moment of Bihari's arrival today that his heart ached with pity for Asha. Binodini was nobody in herself! She had been born to shield Asha, to clear the thorns from Asha's path, to make all of Asha's happiness complete! The honourable Mahendra-babu would marry Asha --- and so, driven by the lash of fate, Binodini would have to spend her days in exile with the rude savages of Barasat. The honourable Bihari-babu could not bear to see simple Asha's tears --- and so Binodini must stand always with her veil-end lifted, ready for service.

Once --- just once --- she wished to prostrate this Mahendra, this Bihari, with their very shadows in the dust, and show them --- who is Asha and who is Binodini? What a difference between the two! Thwarted by adverse fate from ever planting her own gifts wholly and triumphantly in any man's heart, Binodini lifted the burning lance of her power and assumed the aspect of destruction. In her sweetest voice, Binodini said as she left, "Do not worry yourself, Bihari-babu. Don't trouble yourself too much on my Sand-in-the-Eye's account."